I am an introvert and introverts by nature do a lot of deep thinking and observation. Sometimes Often, I need to process my thoughts in other ways than mulling them over in my head. Sometimes I talk about them, but since I am mostly a stay-at-home mom and my husband works from home, the only person I often have to talk to is him, and, I love him, but let’s be honest, sometimes he just can’t listen like I need him to and he certainly doesn’t have the capacity to always hear and understand my musings. So I have come to love to write as another way to process. And sometimes I find that my writings resonate with others. Sometimes others can identify with what I am thinking and feeling and that is rewarding. Also, at times I gain a different perspective after I have written things out and it helps me to look at those thoughts in a new way.
So I write…to process these thoughts in my head and to connect with others and to gain a new perspective, or expand upon my original one.
I am writing to beg for your forgiveness. I am sorry for not appreciating what we had together for so many years. I am sorry that I wanted to leave you because I thought there were more exciting places out there to live. (Well, I actually left you because God called us elsewhere for a season, but I wanted to leave you before then). Oh, there are exciting places out there…and they are beautiful, lovely, fun to spend time with. But there is no place I’d rather LIVE than with you. And to be honest, it’s not really about you. It’s about the people within your borders–MY people. It’s also about the lifetime of memories I have with(in) you. It’s also because you are breathtakingly beautiful. Your luscious, rolling green hills in the springtime, your brilliantly hued trees of the fall, and yes, even to some extent, the magical white of your winter (although, I’d gladly take one glimpse of this per year than 5 months of it, but I’ll try my best not to complain). Yes, your seasons. I’ve missed your seasons the past 2 years that I’ve been away and I can’t wait to get back to experience them with you again. I had taken you for granted for so many years because you are all I’d ever known.
But you need to know that you share part of my heart with someplace else now. Nicaragua. Some small roots had begun to grow there thanks to the beautiful people I met and fell in love with and the unique experiences I had. The saying is so very true. Home is most certainly where your heart is. But your heart can be in more than one place. On earth, mine is in two places, with you and with Nica.
So I’m coming back to you soon! I’m coming back to be with my people and to make new memories. But I’m coming back different. I’m coming back knowing more about who I am after experiencing life in a new way and spending much focused time with Jesus. I have a lot more to learn and I don’t want to get comfortable again, but I believe that for me, I function best with the support of my people, my community. God can use me however He chooses, of course, but He created me as I am and He knew exactly what I needed. He knew He needed to take me out of my “home” to experience some of the world, so I could be changed and come back to my “home” to share those experiences and that growth with my community. I’m excited to be with you again! I am excited to be with my people again! I’m excited to share the future of my family and of Metanoia with you! I’M COMING HOME!